Jonathon’s 20 Best “Understand Men” Tips, Part 2
My email list (signup box is to the right of this post) has a few thousand women, and I hear from them occasionally with ideas, critiques, and comments. They seem to love the Understand Men tips, and they tell me which ones resonate with them.
I’ve pulled out the 20 I’ve gotten the most comments about, and in the past couple of weeks we highlighted the first 10. Here are the rest in your Master’s degree training in understanding men now. We’ll delve more deeply into these over the next week or two.
Best Understand Men Tip #11
If a man is distrusting without you giving reason for mistrust, he is not ready for a relationship. A distrusting man is either untrustworthy himself, carrying baggage from a past relationship, or is in the wrong relationship. You cannot help him.
Best Understand Men Tip #12
Men prefer quality over quantity.
This means that it’s better to have fantastic dates once or twice a week that leave a positive impression on both of you, and give you both a chance to decompress and “miss” the other, than to spend every day together. Quality builds attraction and attachment, not quantity.
Best Understand Men Tip #13
Observe how your man handles conflict in his life. Does he like to talk it through, or does he like to take time to mull things over? Is he a conflict avoider and disappears into his shell when faced with a difficult situation?
Knowing how your man handles conflict outside of your relationship will give you a good idea of how he’ll handle conflict between you. It’s a good idea to discuss how you’ll resolve your conflicts before they arise, so you have a good plan in place ahead of time and there won’t be any unpleasant surprises.
It’s okay if you have different conflict resolution “styles.” It’s important to know what they are.
Best Understand Men Tip #14
If a man is into you and wants to be with you, he won’t be thinking about his ex when you’re together.
If he is still talking about his ex, that may be a red flag that he may not be emotionally available to you. He may still need to take time to work through his feelings about his former relationship.
Best Understand Men Tip #15
The best, most effective way to communicate your displeasure with something your man did is to let him know your feelings in a non-blaming way.
DO say, “When we were at ________ and you said _________, I felt __________.”
DON’T say, “I hated when you said _______ because you made me really annoyed.”
The key is not to put him on the defensive, but make him pay attention to how you’re feeling and what you’re experiencing. If he’s on the defensive, he’s more likely to ignore what you’re saying and focus on his own negative feelings.
No one can “make” you feel something without your permission. They can inspire, threaten, or persuade you, but YOU decide how you feel. So, telling someone he “made” you feel a certain way places blame and gives your power away.
Best Understand Men Tip #16
Practice deep listening this way: Ask him about things he’s interested in and give him the space to really express himself. Make good eye contact. Refrain from making comparisons to your own life or interjecting your opinion about what he’s saying. Make it all about him.
You can learn a lot about who he is from practicing deep listening, and the added benefit is that he will feel validated, cared for and important to you.
That will inspire him to listen better to you!
Best Understand Men Tip #17
Be yourself. Many women try to be who they think the man wants them to be and lose themselves in the process. They think they should like the same things he likes, such as sports or politics, and feel stifled later in the relationship when they no longer enjoy pretending to be into the same things.
Be who you are at the moment with a willingness to grow and become an even better “you”, but not necessarily a DIFFERENT you.
Best Understand Men Tip #18
Men love to feel like the only one. Treat yourself to a new feminine dress or lacy lingerie. Tell him it’s something you have never worn with anyone else. He will feel special when he sees it and excited to “see” you care about him.
Best Understand Men Tip #19
As you are first beginning to get to know him, take the 5 Love Languages Quiz:
You will have a much better chance of great communication when you know each other’s love language.
Best Understand Men Tip #20
When a man thinks that you “have his back,” he will appreciate and adore you. If you support him and not criticize him in front of others, but rather in private, he will feel safe to be himself around you.
There are few things more divisive than telling jokes at his expense (even if the story was funny) and criticizing him in front of others.
There they are, the top 20. What did you think? Do you have any to add to the list? To receive tips in your inbox, sign up to the right and enjoy a free gift!