Scaling The Walls of TRUST Can Be Daunting For Most Men
Why do men have to climb to the highest room in the tallest tower for a woman to unlock her heart?
As a dating & relationship coach for women, I’ve noticed that many women approach dating with emotional walls surrounding their heart. These walls are barriers women create, actually more like hoops men must jump through before they open up to love. From what I see, these walls are the result of women who have been hurt in the past and they carry this mistrust in all their future relationships or they don’t trust themselves and often expect a man to scale those walls for them to get the prize. From my experience, this usually leads to failure.
Expecting a man to perform some feat of strength as to climb to the highest room in the tallest tower for her to open up to love, usually ends in failure, because most men prefer the path of least resistance. The truth about men is that we are happiest when relationships are easy and free from drama. If a woman is distrusting right from the beginning, this is usually a total turn off and seems like too much work to continue. Therefore, we quit if it seems too daunting of a task when a woman has created barriers to love. And when this happens, women see this as another failure hence perpetuating her lack of trust. Not a good cycle.
One of my readers says:
I believe to distrust someone from the beginning stems from insecurity. However, I do try to pay attention to signs he MAY be untrustworthy… I call that discernment.
Yes that’s right, trustworthy or better yet, trustworthy acts. If a man says he’s going to call and doesn’t or if a man plans a date and doesn’t show up, those are acts (actions) to represent he can’t keep his word. Why would you want to date a man who doesn’t keep his word? You wouldn’t. So yes, pay attention to the signs and his action. If a man hasn’t given you any signs to distrust him, then why start off with distrust.
So before you choose to put up walls when entering a new relationship, try the following approach I outline in my eCourse The Relationship Men Commit To and Why.
This approach is called: Dating Passionately Detached
Dating passionately detached means being open to all possibilities without any attachment to the outcome. Imagine entering a relationship free and open to the adventure of making a new friend and just seeing where it goes without any expectation of a destination. If you went to an amusement park for the day, would you feel free to enjoy the rides without knowing how the day would unfold? Of course you would. Then why not approach dating the same way.
Great article recommending the right amount of “balance” going into meeting a new man and getting to know him – Thanks Jonathon!
Jonathon Aslay says
Thanks Barbara. Personally I find it interesting that friendship seems secondary to so many people believing chemistry will secure long term relationship bliss.
Jonathon, about the article on trust. I agree you shouldn’t have walls so high a men can’t overcome them and that every relationship is different/ deserves a new beginning but you said “The truth about men is that we are happiest when relationships are easy and free from drama.” Can’t this back fire, because they didn’t have to try enough so they don’t appreciate the work you put into the relationship? Also how do you make the relationship ‘challenging’ for men, without making it impossible for them to succeeded and yet keeping yourself from getting hurt again? Like you said this is why the walls are up in the first place.
I think it’s … kind of telling that Heather’s question ^^ is going unanswered here.