Don’t Just Dabble, Make Conscious Effort When Seeking Love Online
There’s an old saying along the lines of “how you do one thing is how you do everything.” I have found that to be true when it comes to online dating.
When a woman comes to me and is eager to get her profile out there, she is usually a go-getter in the rest of her life. Her career is typically very successful, she has many friends, and her family life is usually harmonious.
On the other hand, a woman who may reach out to me once or twice but never follows through is probably just dabbling. She is either not ready for or not serious about finding a good relationship.
And that’s OK. Not being ready is where most of us were at some point, and we may go back there again. But know that if you merely dabble, you won’t have good results, just as dabbling at losing weight or quitting smoking gets you nowhere.
You have to make an effort… your best effort. However, to do that, you have to know who you are and where you’re going. Most women I coach need a little help there, especially if they’re new to dating after being in a relationship for a while. They may be unsure of what they want and who would make a good match. I help them to clarify whenever I can.
Even if I help them become crystal clear on the man they’re seeking, they still have to do the work to find men and date them. Online dating is a new world to them, and they are understandably nervous and unsure. So they dabble until they feel comfortable—that’s a great, low-stress way to go. They’ll fill out more of their profile, get help from me on their choice of photos, and wink at a guy or two.
They find that making a conscious effort provides huge results, and these women are successful at online dating.
But some women just dabble and then get upset when nothing happens for them. They are the ones who get frustrated when they don’t have 10 guys emailing them, even though their profiles are sparse and say nothing, or their pics are grainy and blurry.
They don’t understand that if they made more of an effort, more guys would respond. Sometimes they listen to their dating coach and sometimes they don’t.
Other women just want some validation of their attractiveness, so they put a lot of effort out there but don’t let things go very far. They’re the drive-bys, as I call them. They’re out for quantity, not quality. They may or may not want a relationship, but they definitely want the attention and the winks.
And that’s OK as a starting point, especially for a woman fresh out of a divorce or other long relationship. No one can blame her for testing the waters or looking for validation of her beauty… but then where does she go? What happens next?
I’d work with that woman to help get her self-esteem back so she can get the most from online dating and find a new relationship. I see all women as amazing, unique, and remarkable, and as their coach, I help them to uncover their strengths and gifts. We work together to show them how special they are and how deserving of love they are.
When you make the effort to finding love online, you’re investing in yourself and your love life. When you dabble, you’re shortchanging yourself and your future partner.
You’re worthy of being loved, and all you have to do is reach out and grab it.
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