5 Ways To Avoid Pushing Him Away
She’s 45, divorced, smart, beautiful, and has the most infectious laugh I’ve ever heard. She’d make any man a wonderful girlfriend, and she has no trouble attracting good guys.
But she keeps blowing it by moving way too fast. The men run, and then she runs to me for advice, which she forgets when the next guy comes along.
Finally, after three months of coaching, I thought she was going to get it right this time with Dan. He was everything she was looking for… funny, smart, a great father to his kids, a good listener, and attentive to her every need.
But here she was, crying on the phone, saying Dan had broken it off after three weeks. I cringed as I asked why, and I got the answer I was expecting.
“He said he wasn’t ready for what I wanted, and I was moving too fast. He knew he liked me very much, but when I said, ‘I love you’ he pulled away and then broke it off with me.”
There it is. She wasn’t content to date passionately detached for very long—once they hit the two-week mark, she threw caution to the wind, declared her feelings, and expected him to do the same. She didn’t take things slowly and let them unfold organically—she tried to force it along, which sent Dan running. It could’ve been prevented had she continued dating passionately detached.
When you push a relationship forward, it becomes crippled. Have you ever heard the story about the cocoon?
A little boy found a cocoon, and he saw the butterfly was struggling to get out. The boy felt sorry for it, so he took a small stick and gently made the opening a little bigger to help the butterfly emerge. It did, but it was never able to fly and died a short time later.
Struggling out of the cocoon is nature’s way of strengthening a butterfly’s wings. I’m not saying a relationship should be a struggle, but it should happen naturally without being pushed. A forced relationship is like that butterfly… not as strong as it could or should be. And it’s likely to die, just as the butterfly did.
Take relationships slowly, and you’ll get what you want. I’ve come up with five ways women tend to push things to go faster, and how not to make that mistake.
Falling too fast.
I know some deliriously happy couples are going to disagree with me here, but it’s true for 98.5621% of us. You cannot know within just a week or two if you love him. You can like him a lot, of course, but love, lasting love, develops over time. Expressing how you feel early in the game rarely works.
Let things grow in their own time, and simply enjoy each second as it happens. That moment won’t ever come again once it’s gone.
Having sex too soon.
I’m not going to tell you to wait x number of dates or x amount of time before sex. You need to be certain that this guy treasures you, and you need to be sure that you can handle whatever may happen afterward. Women tend to bond after sex, while men often don’t. However, if you have established an emotional connection with him, sex can strengthen that bond.
Don’t give yourself fully to anyone who doesn’t deserve it. Make sure you’re having sex for your own reasons and because you want to, not because you’re using it as a bargaining chip for a relationship.
Being anxious and having expectations. Assuming too much.
This often happens after sex. Women assume they are now the girlfriend, and the guy had no intention of going there just yet. Don’t be hung up on titles—you’ll get there when it’s time, if the relationship is meant to last.
When you go into any dating situation with an agenda, you will turn him off. Your anxiety and expectations will smother him and push him away. Let things happen as they will, and don’t push or force anything.
He will see right through you if you’re playing hard to get or trying to manipulate him. He wants you to be yourself and to be honest with him. Don’t let any “rules” tell you to play games or be someone you’re not. Just be the best you that you can be… without anxiety, agenda, or expectations.
Immersing yourself in the guy and losing sight of you.
So many women let their friends, hobbies, and life fall away when they’re with a man. They make themselves available to him 24/7, and they have nothing interesting to bring to the table about what they’re doing. This makes a man uneasy and bores him. It also pressures him.
If you have plans with family or friends and your man calls, tell him the truth and make alternative plans. He will respect you and you’ll respect yourself.
If you can resist the temptation to push your relationships forward which is why many men pull away, you’ll have the best chance to create the connection you want and hold on to a man who adores you.