I have great respect for the man who treats a woman with kindness, care and respect. Most women would agree that a man who shows up with his actions matching his words is one she can truly surrender to, and I mean in a good way. He is the kind of man she can give her heart to.

From what I’ve heard, nothing is more attractive than a man who is both loving and confident. This kind of man is the most coveted. Sound like a romance novel? Well it isn’t. This kind of man does truly exist.

I want to talk about the nice guy for a moment. You know the guy. He’s the one who tries to win your heart by proving himself worthy. He sees you as an object of affection without truly knowing who you are. He brings flowers or candies on the first date. He may even start off with a poem he wrote to win your love.

While these actions look good for a while, they point to possible issues. In fact, all of these “actions” are to impress you because deep down he doesn’t feel worthy.

I can promise you, that while you don’t ever want to date a man who is a jerk, you also don’t want to date a man who doesn’t believe in himself. If a man wants to be with a woman he will take the time to get you know you. His gifts will not be for show, as he will get to know your interests and needs before offering presents.

So why am I on a rant about the nice guy? Because he gives good guys a bad reputation.

What I don’t respect is the man who complains about being rejected as “a nice guy” because a woman chooses to be attracted to a jerk. If a nice guy keeps choosing a woman who doesn’t value herself (by choosing jerks), then all I’m saying is that he doesn’t really value himself either.

Two people who don’t value themselves is just a recipe for disaster.

How You Can Tell A Good Guy From A Nice Guy

Emotionally healthy women are attracted to good men with inner strength. This is often displayed as a man with an edge, confidence and a sense of direction. He also happens to be sweet. Being nice is just one aspect of good character. A woman also wants a man of action.

So how can you tell the difference between a good guy and a nice guy? Well let’s just face it, nice guys complain about finishing last, and good guys just don’t have that problem. If he doesn’t win, the good guy will wake up the next morning and try again.

  • Good guys follow through on their commitments
  • Good guys aren’t worried about what everyone else is doing. They follow their own path
  • Good guys know how to care for a woman with his heart, mind, soul and body
  • Good guys don’t waste time on things that don’t move their life forward

Here’s the thing. I totally get the nice guy because I was one. It’s a testament to growth, and an assurance that if he’s committed, any man can show up when he grows up. He just has to be willing, humble and brave.

The nice guy doesn’t feel his own worth. He wants is to be loved. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be loved, but it’s better to start from the inside.

The nice guy also has a chip on his shoulder for everything in life that just didn’t go his way. If a man can’t deal with failure then finding success is that much harder. In addition, the nice guy will eventually make you feel guilty for not filling his needs. Every man—just like every woman—needs to know how to fill their cup first. The overflow is where true love is possible.

How You Can Land The Good Guy

Now that you know who the good guy is, I am pretty sure your heart melted for him. He sounds like a romance novel. The kind of guy who can build your kitchen table and then make love to you on it and never miss a beat of daily life. I get it. He sounds too good to be true, but you want him.

Here is the part of the story that is completely dependent on you. The good guy wants the woman who is worthy of his time. Set aside whiny immature women, mean women, and the accidental dears. He is ready for a queen. If you want this man, then you also need to be working to be your best self.

You have to be confident in who you are. If you’re not feeling beautiful, do something about it. Need to get in shape? Do something about it. Need an attitude adjustment? Do something about it. Feel like a failure? Do something about it.

I ranted on the nice guy, but if you want a good guy then you will have to take responsibility for your life and become the kind of woman you know you can be. Level up so you can show up.

The nice guy wants an easy win. The good guy is willing to work for it. That also means that you as woman, the queen that you are, need to be strong, confident, and willing to keep growing and evolving. That is true beauty.

As far as the nice guys, I am not going to lie, they are nice to date. But eventually the magic wears off because they can’t keep up. Nice guys have yet to work on themselves and show up for themselves. Here is the thing, though: the nice guys can learn. If he treats his innerkid with love, reminds himself that he is good enough, and take that action out into the world, he becomes unstoppable.

So consider this a wake up call to redirect that attention to the self. This goes for nice guys and nice girls alike.

Not sure where to find the good guys? Plenty of good guys (and women, too) are looking for love online. Get the inside tips and tricks in my popular, Finding Love Online audio course. Get the details here.

2016-11-16T01:11:21+00:00 By |Relationships, Understanding Men|

About the Author:

Dating is a challenge for everyone. Regardless of age or circumstance, we all struggle to find our perfect match. As someone who has graduated with honors from life’s virtual University of Dating, Jonathon Aslay assists women in finding that seemingly elusive man with whom they can have both compatibility and passion.


  1. […] difference between nice guys and good guys is … […]

  2. GKitty December 25, 2016 at 4:41 am - Reply

    Until a few months ago, I don’t think I would’ve had a grasp on the “nice guy” (and why it’s a whole ‘nother thing); I would have figured it was synonymous with “good guy”. After having briefly (for about a month) dated a certified “nice guy”, though, I get it. Oh, how I get it. The lack of self-confidence? Comes across as needy, and eventually (at least, in this instance) neurotic. Not a pretty picture… and definitely not the man with whom to envision a future. That sort of insecurity is exhausting… always needing to reassure him, bolster him up (and not with the praise/gratitude a deserving man should/does receive, but instead, with what seems like *silly* assurances). The difference between a “nice guy” and a “good guy”? The latter may not shower you with gifts and flattery every second you’re with him… but when he *does*, you know he genuinely means and feels it. 🙂

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