Dating in 2014: Selfish is the New Norm. Why?
As a relationship and dating coach for women, I see the hearts and souls of amazing women every day, and I’m humbled and honored that they chose me to share them with. Most of them are ladies with true class, and it’s just a matter of time until they find healthy, happy, relationship-ready men who deserve them.
But even with all the hope and light I see, there is a dark, almost evil side to dating and relationships now. Expectation has replaced gratitude. Shame has replaced compassion. Entitlement has replaced generosity. And self-centeredness has replaced acceptance.
And it’s all wrong and runs counter to what dating, mating, and relating should be. Why do we let the ego run the show? Why has selfish behavior become the foundation of relationships?
Look, I get it… we all have our needs and desires, but at what expense? These days, I see so many people who are self-involved and focus more on what they can get rather than give. I’m talking about women as well as men.
When did good values get thrown out the window?
I see men who expect sex as payment for dinner and a show. I see women who expect the man to make her his girlfriend within four dates, say he loves her within three months, and marry her in a year. I see everyone rejecting perfectly good, kind, wonderful potential partners for silly and trivial flaws.
What the hell happened?
I cannot say for sure, but I think one big factor is that when we hit our 40s and beyond, we think we’ve seen it all, so we don’t want to waste any time on anything that isn’t perfect. Most of us have at least one failed marriage under our belts, and perhaps there’s some fear that we are failures when it comes to relationships.
We want to get it right, so we have to steer the boat as much as possible and run the show. What we want goes, and the other person can just follow along if he or she wants to be with us.
We’ve had so many disappointments that we feel it’s about damn time we got the ideal relationship we deserve, so goodbye if you aren’t perfect or you don’t give us exactly what we want when we want it.
Does that strike a chord with you?
Can we back up a minute and change this?
Can we remember that it takes two to create a healthy, happy relationship? Both partners have to be happy, not just one. A good partnership thrives on give and take, and it dies if one partner does most or all the taking.
I challenge you to think about where you or your partner might be acting selfish or entitled, and ask each other how that can change. The communication will do wonders for your relationship, and your love for each other will deepen.
And please, both of you, lose the expectations and take each day as it comes. You’ll thank me later.