Careless dating is real and it happens all the time. To treat others in any form of a disposable manner isn’t the best way to find love. Most people think they may never see the person that holds a short amount of interest, for a short amount of time, again. So they date them and leave them as fast as possible.
In fact, there’s a group of both men and women who are unconscious in regards to their approach when seeking love. They leave a trail of hurt emotions because these folks have no accountability for their actions. The new “hit or miss” method is the way many seek relationships these days which is perpetuated by the dating advice expressed by many coaches. Sure you can go out on 100 dates with the hope that one person might be a match or maybe you can pre-qualify (with a simple phone call) shared values before meeting in person. In fact the pre-qualify method is my own advice.
We all know dating isn’t a numbers game. However, if we start to treat dating as a way to form true relationships we may be successful in not only landing the right guy, but also miss the mayhem that can occur when dating on the fly with whomever, whenever. If you are tired of the “hit and miss” method, read on. My heart is set on changing how we approach dating all together.
The Case For Consciously Dating
You might have some friends dishing out advice that sounds a little like this; “go out with those you’re attracted to” because “you just never know” or go out with someone who’s a “maybe” because if you dismiss someone too quickly you might “miss out” on a match. These are the singles who believe chemistry is a pathway to love and they seek connection before compatibility.
Rule number one: seek compatibility just as much as chemistry. Does this mean you might have to treat dating as a job interview at times? Yes, but I promise it will still be fun. For the unconscious dater this type of dating may be out of the question. Here is my point; having a sense of responsibility to yourself and others will always create the best outcome. Personal responsibility in and of itself will help you discern with whom and how to spend your time. Trust me, you are going to want to be discerning.
Conscious dating is the only way to create space and room for the right man to walk into your life. Consciously dating means that you are taking care of yourself, you know yourself, and you are not willing to waste your time on what doesn’t serve you. If your end goal is love, then consciously getting there is the only healthy way to go.
The reason why I’m so vocal about dating, mating and relating is because my hope is to raise consciousness and point out the old stories & beliefs about men and women so we can learn and grow from our own judgements. In fact, I would dare say we need to start creating new positive beliefs about how the opposite sexes view one another as this creates a better world in general. Not all men are jerks and not all women are bitches. Get my drift here? Just because you have been in a bad relationships doesn’t mean every relationship moving forward is going to be the same deal.
The trick to seeing changes in your life depends on how much you are willing to grow and change what’s going on inside of you.
Which is why I’m advocate for conscious dating. Consciously dating makes room for the the possibility to recognize that while chemistry is important, lust is a drug and giving into those urges can leave a wake of hurt feelings if not tempered with accountability. Look, I’m all in favor of chemistry and romantic spark because quite frankly, what’s the point if you’re not turned on? On the flip side, what’s the benefit of an endless cycle of meeting people who are out of alignment with your long term desires.
I would bet that no one is walking around consciously trying to avoid love. However, when we don’t face bad habits, thoughts and actions we inhabit love from entering into our lives. When we are dating without a care or thought for how we go about actually engaging in this form of relating, we open the doors to negative energy and relationships. Unblocking love so it can enter into your life, is all about what is going on in your heart.
A quick way to determine if you are ready to consciously date and embrace loving relationships is to go deeper. Ask yourself these following questions:
- Am I willing to take accountability for my life and how to create it?
- Am I willing to invest in myself and take the time to figure out what kind of relationship will work for me?
- Am I aware of my likes and dislikes as well as my needs and wants?
- Can I offer love in return for love or do I need to work on myself and my heart more?
Your answers might surprise you. To be honest your own answers will either point you back to your own need for personal development or it will point you to dating in a way that is healthy and meaningful for all parties involved. Wherever you land on the spectrum is perfect, because you will know where to invest your time. Your time will either be spent dating men who have been prescreened by you for compatibility and chemistry, or working on yourself to get ready for the kind of man you are hoping to find.
Making Dating Meaningful
Dating doesn’t need to be a drag, it doesn’t need to be a numbers game and it certainly doesn’t need to be filled with drama and pain. To bring meaning back to your dating life, you have to remember what your end goal is. What kind of love story do you ultimately want to create for your life? I bet it isn’t one where you are spending weekend after weekend at a bar filled with dudes who are more like duds.
The point is, the conscious dater is whole already. She doesn’t need anyone to complete her. The conscious dater clearly knows who she is and what she wants, because going out on a date just for the sake of fun is merely a waste of time. The conscious dater seeks compatibility as well as chemistry before ever considering a date. The conscious dater is fully aware that lust is not a pathway to love and even if there is a sexual attraction, she doesn’t engage unless there is alignment in values.
If you are ready to take personal responsibility for your choices and to be accountable for your actions, then welcome to a whole new world of dating. Remember that life is a journey and everyone who crosses your path is a blessing. If you know that life is better shared then trust me, you will want to remain patient until a true partner arrives.
Hello, Johnathon. I watched a recording of you and Helena Hart that I happened upon this morning. I chuckled when you said something like: “By the way, ladies, I’m single.” You went on to mention online dating. I just wondered if after that shoutout if you got any responses. This is the place that I found to communicate.
Much of what you said resonates with me. I’m not online dating (yet), but I do have a copy of “Untethered Soul” next to my bed. Ssssllllooowwwly reading. Good luck finding the right person to walk along the path with you. Pray for me. I’ll pray for you. Mahalo.
Jonathon Aslay says
awe… thank you.
Kim Sower says
Thank you for this article Jonathon. I’ve been watching you live feeds when I can. My questions were about dating sites and how to maneuver around in ways that suit me. After an encounter with an interesting character online today -I’m sticking with to “thine own self be true” and that’s life on the banana farm. The article reinforces and resonates.
I enjoy that you are teaching human behavior.
Blessings to you.
Jonathon Aslay says
Linda pilloud says
Thanks Jonathon for your true grit!!
Jonathon Aslay says
awe… thank you.