Have you ever watched a young couple who were insanely in love and reminisced about the passion of your old relationships back in the day? Or maybe you cynically wanted to say to them, “Just wait until you’ve been together for 25 years and see if the thrill is still there?”
It’s okay to admit to it. I’ve certainly done it.
What determines successful long term relationships?
As a Mid-Life relationship coach, I’ve come to realize that maintaining a constant state of bliss is not realistic. Successful long term relationships are about learning to live with (and even appreciate) the good with the not so good.
The hard reality is that those initial feelings of euphoria and physical thrill are going to fade away. You’ll find that there are things you don’t really like or wished were different in your partner. A healthy relationship has more to do with accepting those differences.
Maybe the guy gets really impatient behind the wheel or by having to wait in line at the grocery store for more than a minute. Perhaps the woman spends a half an hour telling a story that could have been told in a couple of minutes.
Most people who struggle in their dating journey have created unrealistic expectations of what they are looking for in a potential partner. They disguise them as standards and have created a weeding out process also known as “being too picky.”
This creates a dilemma. How do you get what you want without settling or compromising?
If you find a person who you enjoy spending time with, is physically attractive to you and shares your ethics and vision, that’s awesome. But what if you don’t like his aftershave? What if he’s sloppy? Are those potential deal breakers really that important in the big picture?
There is never going to be a perfect scenario.
In order to set realistic relationship expectations, you must determine what’s important to you in a potential partner.
*Does he share the same vision for the future?
*How does he treat you?
*Can you trust him?
*How does he make you feel?
*Are you physically attracted to him?
You should do some self evaluation so that you know what your deal breakers are. (Read more at What Are Your Relationship Deal Breakers?)
Look at the positives versus the negatives
Make a list. If the positives are longer than the negatives, that’s a good sign. Focusing on the positive is essential to the success of any long term relationship.
If you’ve found the right guy, let go of the small stuff. You can always buy him some new aftershave.
He says one thing but does another. Does trying to understand the male mind make you a bit crazy? Believe it or not men really do want to be in healthy relationships. In Unlocking the Male Mind I’ll share my own insights about men and what they’re really thinking!
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