From Jonathon’s Mailbag… Fading Away and Bonding Through Sex
I receive quite a bit of email and try to answer all of them, and some questions come up repeatedly. I’d like to share two of them with you, along with my answers.
I’ve been with my guy for a couple of months, and he’s fading away… I can feel it. He’s calling and texting less, so I’m doing more to make up the difference. I can’t seem to help myself. What can I do to make him stay with me?
I know that guys can act in ways that seem strange to you, but they make perfect sense to us. All I have to go on is your email, so I will try to answer this as best as I can.
If he is truly fading, there isn’t much you can do, unfortunately. A man will do what he wants to, and fading is a very common thing. What happens is that at the beginning of a relationship, everything is new and exciting. Chemistry is high, and emotions are high.
After several weeks or a couple of months, the excitement and chemistry begin to wear off. This is when things get real, and a man may decide to leave or to stay. Like I said, there isn’t much you can do, and calling and texting more won’t help.
But the good news is that if he does fade, he opens space for the right guy to come along. He’s actually doing you a favor.
But then again, he may not actually be fading. Women are so intuitive that sometimes they think more is happening than really is. How long has it been going on, and how is his life in other areas? Maybe he is just occupied or concentrating on other things right now, or perhaps he is in his cave. How does he respond when you do text? If it’s what I call sporadic fading, he may have other things going on.
Try going completely silent for a week or two and see how he responds. Then you will have your answer. Like I said, if he’s truly fading, he’s showing you that he is not the one and is making space for the man who is. Please keep me posted.
Do men bond through sex?
Yes, they do, but for men sex cements the bond they already have with you. It typically doesn’t create a new bond that wasn’t there before.
If your man has already emotionally bonded with you, sex reinforces that. If he hasn’t, sex likely will not cause an emotional bond. Men can and do have great sex with women they don’t necessarily want a relationship with.
But men do love sex with women they care about and have a bond with. We don’t like to admit that, but it’s true.
I hope that made sense and answered your question, Liz. Take care and don’t hesitate to ask for clarification if you need it.