Let’s talk love at first sight. It’s when you find that mate who could be the perfect fit and what’s more, you feel like you have known him forever. However, you have only been dating for a few weeks, or even a couple of months and yet you *know* he is the one. Your heart says so; your mind says so, and everything between the sheets seems perfect.
Speaking of the one, accompanying this feeling there are also signs that this is surely love at first sight for him, too. It seems as if the two of you can’t get enough of one another. Your guy is super attentive, sweet, and says all the right things. Your friends and family adore him and you just can’t help imagining the honeymoon.
Then the inevitable happens. He creates distance. You are not sure what you did wrong, what you may have said or why suddenly your lover is hard to get in touch with. He has done the one thing you were hoping he wouldn’t do. He’s created distance from you.
Why Men Create Emotional Distance
Why the distance, you ask? So here’s the thing about most men, they instinctively create distance. It just so happens that a guy decides he needs space after he has already verbally vomited how much a woman is perfect for him and he can see a future with her, shortly after making love to a woman. While he completely believes what he said during a state of intense passion, once the chemicals wear off he begins to wonder if it’s actually going in the right direction. It sounds a little like this: “Who the heck is she? I barely know her. What was I thinking, professing a future? I’m not even sure I want a serious relationship with her right now.”
Men have this need to create distance because we inherently believe women want way more emotional commitment then we’re willing to offer up (in the beginning)… because for gosh sake, we barely know them after ten dates. Men create a buffer as their escape clause should they want to end a relationship without too much drama.
Where Men Get It Wrong
Like it or not, this is how men often react. There are things you can do to mitigate your risk of being lost in a man’s drama, though. Because, believe it or not (and most men won’t admit to it), men do get it wrong. Especially when it comes to dealing with the emotional sensitivity of a women.
I will be the first to admit, men just don’t know how to use their brains to really think things through. Hence the need for distance. It’s in the emotional & physical gap that most women start going crazy (hence the drama). We men think we’re doing a good thing by pulling back because we don’t want to make a promise we can’t keep, especially after our lust driven diatribe (of the future) during the first few dates.
What we don’t understand is that for women this distance comes out of left field and is hard to understand and handle.
What Women Need To Focus On
It’s been said before and I am not afraid to say it again. Women really need to focus on themselves. Before that man came along and swept you off your feet, were you in a place where the life surrounding you brought you joy and happiness? Because if you weren’t in that place, I can promise you that no man can create the kind of happiness you are seeking. You have to go out there and get it for yourself. A good man you love, just becomes an addition to an already amazing life.
So let’s return back to our love at first sighting scenario. The man you just met, who seems like the perfect fit, creates that unbearable distance. Instead of going crazy (I promise, I understand why you do), you have to focus on you. Doing some work before this scenario falls into your lap will really help you in future relationships.
What makes you happy? What brings you joy? I will share the biggest secret with you. This is the question we all need to be asking ourselves to truly find success in every aspect of our lives. When that right person comes along, they will just add to this already wonderfully created life. So far, from what I have seen, the woman who is best at handling a man who doesn’t know up from down is a happy woman who knows how to be savvy.
The Savvy Woman
A savvy woman has taken the time to cultivate all aspects of her life. She has a good solid foundation already in place when Mr. Right shows up. Sure he is absolutely amazing the first few days, weeks or months and she honestly enjoys herself, but she doesn’t place too much stock in the early ramblings of Mr. Right.
What she does focus on is:
- A man’s actions, behaviors and emotional maturity
- Current & past life experiences
- Shared values and compatibility
- A sense of purpose & passion in a man’s future
This kind of discernment gives the savvy woman a clue if the man she is investing time in is capable of a long term relationship. The savvy woman consciously dates and doesn’t get thrown off when a man just doesn’t measure up. When he needs space, she has no problem giving it. A woman who is also consciously dating isn’t just looking for someone, she is looking for THE ONE. This means she is not wasting her time on men or situations that don’t serve her.
Also, about that space thing. Go have some fun while you are giving a man some space to think things through. He will appreciate that you can be mature and may show up in an even bigger way. If he doesn’t then you know you don’t need him.
A savvy woman clearly knows who she is and what she wants in life because she knows she’s the container for her happiness. Being a container for your own happiness is empowering and I want to see more women showing up as they are and knowing what makes them tick. Nothing hurts a woman’s self esteem more than not understanding and loving who she is. Any woman can be a happy, savvy woman, she just has to take the time to get to know herself.
The moral of the story is, keep your head on. Know who you are, what you need, and what you want and cultivate that happiness factor in all areas of your life. When a man takes some distance, use that time to ask yourself if he is measuring up to your standards. Ask yourself if he is adding to your already wonderful life.
So my friends, they next time you watch one of your girlfriends get strung out on a guy she barely knows, please remind her that all she ever needs is within. Oh, and if it’s you that needs to be reminded, I believe in you. Go ahead and believe in yourself, can you do that for me?