When He Doesn’t Believe In Labels
You’ve been dating a guy for 2 months, you’re together every weekend for the entire weekend. You’ve become intimate, but haven’t had the exclusivity talk (but it seems he’s only seeing you.) You talk everyday via text, FaceTime and the phone and you’ve met his friends.
But he doesn’t want to call you his girlfriend (in public or in private) because he doesn’t believe in labels. What do you make of this… what do you think a person means when they say they don’t believe in labels?
The person who gave birth to me is my mother. The person who gives me a paycheck is my boss. The person who helps me buy a home is my realtor. And finally, the person I’m dating is my girlfriend/partner.
Two months is just enough time to determine your feelings for another if you’re seeing each other regularly. A man who is sensitive to his partner’s needs wants to create a safe space by acknowledging to her (and to the rest of the world), “She’s mine and I dig her.”
Here’s the thing, the first 90 days of dating is really the test drive to determine if you like a person, see if there’s a potential to blend lives, share your feelings about the future, and determine compatibility and communication, by successfully navigating a conflict with a peaceful resolution.
Let’s face it, it takes time to get to know someone…which is why we date and I’m a firm believer that if you’re going to have regular sex with someone, then it should be exclusive. We use labels everyday of our lives to add meaning and identification. So if a person is intentionally avoiding putting context to a dating environment of seeing a person regularly while having sex, I would truly question their overall intent.
Therefore, I would ask questions. What does it mean you don’t like labels? What does the boyfriend/girlfriend label mean to you? Are we in an exclusive relationship? Whenever in doubt, ask questions. Sharing your feelings is a path to intimacy.
If he refuses to budge on the issue, you need to think through if he’s serious about the relationship and considering a long term commitment, or just considers you a friend with “benefits” and the possibility that he may be playing you.
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