Don’t Date with an Agenda – Date Curious
Over the years, I’ve noticed that most people date with an intent for connection or completion, which is why so many struggle in the early stages. They have an agenda for dating and put expectations on each other, which can kill the natural unfolding of a relationship.
(There is a better way, and we’ll go into that shortly.)
So where do things get sidetracked and go off course?
Men often date with the desire for physical connection, and women want an emotional connection. And this is where things get confusing and nerve-wracking, because men and women are so different. One of the most important ways we men get to know a woman is through sex. A man will not fully commit and will not feel completely connected to a woman unless and until he has sex with her.
Women, on the other hand, typically need an emotional connection before having sex. Women think that men put the cart before the horse by looking for a physical connection, while men find it very difficult to feel an emotional connection without having a physical one first.
And both sexes place far too much emphasis on “chemistry”. Yes, amazing chemistry is a wonderful feeling, but several types of chemistry may not be as explosive at first as the physical. However, spiritual, intellectual, mental, and emotional chemistry (or compatibility) are just as important for a lasting relationship as physical chemistry is.
Remember, amazing physical chemistry does not always equal amazing, long-lasting connection. The idea of connection is often where most people focus too much on chemistry, which is why many fail in creating a relationship.
Then there are those who seek completion, as if the other person will make their life complete. Many give their heart or their body before they really know the other, and then it’s too late. It’s easy to do these days, but the problem is that you don’t know the person well enough to go that deep so soon. You need to be a complete person inside, because unlike the famous line in the movie “Jerry Maguire”, no one can or should be expected to complete you.
You are enough by yourself—you don’t need someone else to make you whole or complete.
When you date, you should be curious rather than focusing on a connection or a completion. You should be wondering whether this man is a right match for you, not worried about whether you’re good enough for him. Believe me, you are!
Being curious is also part of dating passionate and detached. When you have no expectation of outcome, you’re naturally inquisitive and ask questions. This is incredibly sexy and attractive to guys. And it protects you from moving too far too fast. If you’re dating curious instead of dating with expectations, you can handle any outcome and won’t fall too hard for any man.
So here’s my tip, date with curiosity. Date men to determine if they are right for you and not the other way around. Date curious, and all else will fall into place. The best way to date passionately detached is to be curious, ask questions, and be observant. The man will show you all you need to know if you’re curious.
Want to know how to date curious? Would you like to hear more about dating passionate and detached?
Check out my Spotlight Coaching program. Our next call, focusing on the Energy of Dating, will be on Tuesday, August 26 at 8:30 pm ET. We’ll discuss dating curious and how it helps you find the right men while quickly weeding out the wrong guys.
We’ll shine a spotlight on men and how to understand them, date them, love them, and create a magical relationship with them. Don’t miss this call… it will change your dating life forever.