I’m often asked by women how they can tell if a guy is only looking for sex or if he seriously likes them. If you’re interested in an exclusive, long term relationship, this is an important question to ask yourself. There are several ways you can approach this.

One thing that comes to mind (though it seems to be rarely used these days) is to ask for an STD/HIV test before making love. The guy’s response will probably give you an indication of how serious he really is. If this request puts them on the defensive, then chances are there are more important problems to deal with other than whether or not he’s into you.

What about the guy who continually makes excuses not to get it done? I want you to think about this. It’s a straightforward and perfectly reasonable request for the times we live in. The chances are that this person may be feeling some fear, which could be a sign they’re not looking at the bigger picture of safety and commitment.

Then there are those who stall, hoping that the sexual chemistry is so high that you might change your mind and just give in to having sex with him. If that ends up being the case, you didn’t respect yourself enough to honor your own request if it was that easy to give in. You’re not going to feel good about that in the long run. Be mindful of your emotions and heart with the guy who is stalling and be true to yourself.

Now, a guy who’s a player might be apt to say yes very quickly and be accommodating to your wishes. However, if he seems more focused on getting it done quickly in order to have sex right away,  that’s a red flag and probably a clue that he cares more about sex than you.

A man who is serious about the relationship will say yes without the pressure of getting you into bed right away. He’ll also be more mindful of your feelings in an effort to create a safe space for both of you.

In conclusion, you should understand that how a guy responds to this simple request will speak volumes about his real motives and intentions. Given that intimacy can be a vulnerable act for most people, how he approaches this very important request is a very good sign. Mature and responsible men will have no problem with this.


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