Why it Seems so Hard to Find a Life Partner

As midlife daters, we’ve all accumulated some bumps and scratches along the way. It can be really frustrating. Why does finding a life partner have to be so damned hard?

There are a couple of reasons…

First, we all come to the table with some emotional baggage that we’ve picked up along the way. This baggage can include various wounds, pains, triggers and life events that we’ve experienced and those hurts become a part of who we are. These events can affect how suited we really are for a long term relationship.

Unfortunately many people are too quick to give ownership of their healing process to another person. They are looking for someone else to fix their pain instead of doing their own healing work. However, as the relationship develops, this can cause a lot of friction because the woman may start to get frustrated when the guy doesn’t measure up to all of her needs and expectations. It’s important to remember that no man is qualified for this job (you can trust me on this!)

The second reason is because many people expect the journey of finding a life mate to be an easy one. But when the going gets rough they either give up too soon or they begin to complain about the process. This will ultimately result in more frustration. The bottom line is, you are in charge of your relationship destiny. That means if you really want something, then you will probably have to break a few eggs to make an omelet.

Many confuse love with partnership and the truth is, love really can be very easy to find because love is something you give, not something you get. A long term relationship or partnership means working together as a team and teamwork is not defined according to predetermined male or female roles.

The reality is that we all come to the table with our stuff and it usually takes a few months for that stuff to surface. Many will fail this first time of testing because they really don’t have the inner strength for a true partnership. If this happens to you, there’s no need to beat them or yourself up. Simply learn from the experience and move on.

Believe it or not, there really are an abundance of good, decent kind and loving men and women out there. It will take some effort to meet them or be seen by them. (Note you might want to put your phone away or if that’s too hard, become open to the possibility of online dating.)

Remember the Golden Rule? Simply treat people the way you want to be treated. Live in a daily state of gratitude, service and have compassion for yourself/others for the process. Try that for 60 days and let me know how things have changed for you.’


For further reading, check out my previous articles:

How to Be the Maker of Your Relationship Destiny
You’re in Control of Your Destiny
Online Dating is the New Organic

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