Is is OK to Date More Than One Guy at a Time?
There’s a big difference in my book between meeting someone and dating them, particularly if you’re in the process of actively searching for a mate and you’re frequently online connecting with a variety of people. In this situation, meeting for the first time is not a date, it’s a meeting. However, you’ve established a connection and there’s a mutual agreement to see each other again, then that’s a date.
There’s no need to flirt with others once you begin dating one person. Flirting with several people takes away from the experience of getting to know one person. And that’s what dating is all about — getting to know someone and this is why I advocate only seeing one person at a time.
The dating process is a fact finding mission designed to determine how much you have in common such as shared values and possibly even a shared vision. If you’re concerned that asking these types of questions might scare a man away, don’t worry. On the contrary, a man seeking a real relationship revels in the opportunity to prove his worth.
Now there are some here who are concerned that dating one person at a time is dangerous because you might attach too quickly. That’s a simple problem to solve. Don’t become attached until you feel safe; dating many men is not going to solve that problem.
If you’re concerned about bonding via sex, then don’t have sex until it’s the right timing for you and feel safe about it. Dating many men will not solve that problem either. Frankly, the men who are only in it for the sex are usually gone by the third date anyway.
Now here’s where it gets tricky (and I totally get this); how do you know if is he emotionally ready for a relationship? This is where you’ve got to do your due diligence and become Sherlock Holmes because all the clues about a man are usually revealed in about ten dates. Almost every woman I’ve spoken to who has had a bad experience with a man said she knew early on that something was wrong but she went against her gut and continued the relationship.
Once again, dating many men will not solve readiness issues and may in fact play havoc on listening to your intuition. Now for those of you who found out six months in that he was a narcissistic or borderline personality, my guess is that it wasn’t all that great relationship anyway. Chalk that up to a learning lesson or as an opportunity for healing.
So ultimately what I’m trying to say is that you must become a good detective for your love life. Trust your intuition and choose wisely while giving one good man a chance. You might be surprised and you might fall in love.
He says one thing but does another. Does trying to understand the male mind make you a bit crazy? Believe it or not men really do want to be in healthy relationships. In Unlocking the Male Mind I’ll share my own insights about men and what they’re really thinking!
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