Over 45 and Never Married..What’s the Deal?
Let’s face it, there is a strong bias against on both sides of the gender spectrum for those midlife daters who are over 45 but have never been married. A woman may think the guy is a serial dater and/or a commitment phobe. A man might think that the woman has some issues. Many times women tell me that they’ve been engaged several times but ended it before making a decision that would have led to a disaster. Men often say they just haven’t found the right one.
Other possible reasons for never marrying might be intense focus and passion on a career that didn’t allow for the time and commitment that a long term relationship requires. Others might struggle with extreme shyness or awkwardness for much of their lives but start to “bloom” as they mature.
Some might argue that those over 45 didn’t fall into the trap of 50% of Americans who got divorced because they got married too soon or for the wrong reasons. Either way, while a person’s past experience does tells us a little, I think it’s how they show up for the present that matters most.
There are certainly differing perspectives and stereotypes. Some of them are true, but many of them are not. You have to see people as individuals coming from differing life experiences and lessons. You need to know what you’re looking for and if you desire someone with shared experiences, such as being married and having children.
Don’t let preconceived rules dictate your choices, or you may find your options are very limited. People do have the capacity to grow and change, and you can discern that as you get to know them. Trust your intuition.
It’s important to remember that we all gain relationship skills along the way whether the relationship led to marriage or not. Our life experiences makes us who we are. A person who has never been married may have more potential than someone who’s been married and divorced several times. The most important thing to consider is if they are 100% ready, willing and capable of committing to a healthy and mature relationship.
Who they are today and what they’ve become is what matters most.
Do you find yourself in a pattern of attracting emotionally unavailable men? Is there any way to break out of this heartbreaking cycle? In Is He Emotionally Distant? I’ll show you how to find a guy that’s worth keeping in five easy steps.