Why You Don’t Need To FREAK OUT When He Says: “I Need Space”
All is going great. You’re finally dating a wonderful man. You’re in a fantastic relationship.
- He’s attentive.
- He’s available.
- He’s handsome.
- He’s got a good job.
- He’s not hung up on an ex girlfriend or wife.
- He spends regular time with you and not the boys.
- He introduced you early on to his family & friends.
- He’s even a great lover.
All that you ever wanted in a man.
You could be dating for a few months. You could be together for over a year. You could be even be getting married.
All is going great.
Until he says: “I need space.”
It could be for an hour. It could be for a day. It might even be for a few days.
All you hear is “space” and your heart panics.
You feel your body shake. Anxiety starts kicking in. All your abandonment fears are triggered. Your mind is racing.
Before you go jumping off the cliff. Before you go off into the deep end. Before you go freaking out, I’m here to help you.
Want to understand why he needs a break? Want to know what he really means? Of course you do.
Space is just a pause. A chance to take a breath. A break from obligations. A way to refocus.
Men (as well as women) need space. Taking space is often not even about you.
A man’s need for space is usually triggered for this reason…
Here is the thing, we all know that serious relationships come with responsibility.
What kind of responsibility are you talking about Jonathon?
What do you mean?
Men want to make you happy. Men want to please you. Men want to fulfill your needs and be your hero. Most of all, men don’t want to let you down.
So here’s what happens.
Let’s say he has some major personal issues going on in his life. Could be his family. Could be his job or finances. Could even be his health. Or worse, could be his “ex”. Whatever the reason, it weighs on him. This weight can be all consuming. It can feel like a ton of bricks. It can feel like an 800-pound gorilla is on his back. It can feel like it’s too much to handle. Whatever the reason, it weighs on him. The minute the emotional pressure becomes too much, men need to bolt (emotionally).
Returning a phone call or text might be too much. Just the thought of your needs becomes overwhelming. Taking on your emotional needs becomes an additional responsibility.
- Your needs are not on his radar.
- Your needs are not his priority.
- Your needs are not what he can handle right now.
What are you saying Jonathon, my needs are not important?
Of course not, YOU are very important. Just in the moment he needs to focus on his issue without pressure.
But Jonathon, I love him, I want to support him and I’m no burden.
I know you’re a fantastic girlfriend and a true cheerleader.
But, sometimes the best support you can give your partner is the space they need.
For example: recently my girlfriend had one crisis after another with a family member. To top it off, she was in the midst of publishing a new article, working with clients and connecting with some business associates. She had a lot on her plate. On our days apart, I usually send an early morning email or text with lovely dovey stuff. Her response was “Honey I’m really busy, a little stressed and I need space”.
Now this isn’t the first time I received a response like this, in fact there have been several. The first few times I took it personally and totally panicked. I literally FREAKED OUT (yes, we guys freak out too).
- Did I do something wrong?
- Is she mad at me?
- Is she gonna break up with me?
My emotions were out of control.
Want to know what saved my sanity? Want to hear what I learned from all this anxiety? I said this before and I’ll say it again, taking space is not personal.
Ask yourself this, what is the issue going on in his life?
Usually, it’s not about you. He’s not going anywhere. He just needs time to deal with the problem without any additional pressure. Emotional responsibility can be overwhelming for men in particular. Men are like a deer in the headlights when it comes to emotional pressure. Furthermore, if a man feels like he has to carry your emotional needs, it’s too much. If a man has to please you when he is in a state of overwhelm, it’s too much.
When it’s too much, men take space.
Tell your partner: “I understand you’re dealing with a lot right now and need some space, take all the time you need and know I love you and I’m here for you.”
Remember it’s not about you, take any energy worrying about him and refocus on you. Take a mini vacation from him and do what brings you pleasure, exercise, spend time with friends or go for a walk. Take really good care of yourself. Refuel, refill and refocus. When he comes back, he will be grateful for your strength knowing you are emotionally self sufficient.
When it comes to understanding men & space http://understandmennow.com/how-men-think/