The Confusion About Mid-Life Relationships is Real
There’s this meme I’ve seen on Facebook a few times with a picture of a book that is literally four feet thick with a man in front of it opening the first page and the caption below says, “Finally, the book about understanding women.”
Have you seen it? Most people have and from the male perspective, this illustrates our feelings and our sheer confusion when it comes to knowing what women want. The fact that so many men resonate with this meme is a clue to how we feel when in a mid-life relationship.
We have often heard the saying “happy wife, equals happy life.” I wonder how many men are out there trying to make their women happy and just have no idea how. Often that frustration leads to unwanted arguments or worse, it leads to a break up. No one on either side if the fence wants the worst outcome. But feelings matter. And so does understanding them.
The question is whose job is it to understand all those feelings? Is it truly a man’s job? Do women need to spell it out? How does everyone want to feel anyway?
How Men Really Want To Feel
So I want to tell you all something about men when it comes to what they want in a mate.
[fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”]All men want is to feel good about--and in--a relationship. Click To Tweet
You might think that this is really far too simple of an equation. But isn’t feeling good at the heart of happiness? I would dare say, feeling good is at the heart of any relationship. When we feel good with our partner, we fully commit and that’s how we surrender to love. Feeling good is how we choose a relationship in mid-life.
Now you might be wondering… what makes a man feel good? Look, if you read the title of this blog, the clue is right there. It’s all about your happiness. Have you thought about your own happiness lately? Have you really dug deep to understand what makes your world spin in all good directions?
For men, believe it or not, when our woman is happy, we are happy because that means there’s the potential for attention, affection, appreciation and lots of sex. It really is that simple, but I’m sure many of you are thinking… “not in my relationship.” But what if what I just stated could be your relationship? What do you need to know about creating happiness in this thing called dating?
Happiness And Why It Matters
Here’s what I’ve observed over the years and it clearly explains the disconnect between men and women.Men have no real clue how to make a woman happy! Click To Tweet
Are you really surprised by this? For gosh sake, the meme I mentioned earlier is an indication of how men feel when it comes to understanding what it takes to make a woman happy. And the disconnect (once again from what I’ve seen) is that women expect men to know what makes them happy.
There’s that word again, expect. Expect is the final equation for good old-fashioned downfall in any relationship. If you’ve been following me for a while, you know that “expectation” is THE word in my book that really is the cause of most unhappy relationships. Let’s be honest, a woman often thinks her man should know what she needs…. And if he doesn’t know what she needs and she has to tell him, it just doesn’t count. Ladies, we are not in high school. We have to move past this kind of thinking.
When we expect something from another, we are putting a condition on what makes us happy. There’s a reason why you’ve heard the phrase unconditional love, is because love has no conditions. On the flip side, conditions are a reflection of expectations. Expectations should never be misplaced for common knowledge when it comes to your man. Open communication is still at the heart of ANY healthy relationship, and especially mid-life relationships. At this point in life, men aren’t into playing games anymore than women are. If we were all to be honest with one another, self exploration, accountability and growing up go a long way here.
I truly wonder if one of the reasons why men don’t know how to make a woman happy is because women themselves don’t know. I’m sure men can appreciate this comment. Men feel like they are always falling short. For example:
- We talk too much or we don’t talk enough
- We are around too much or we’re not around enough
- We do too much or we don’t do enough
Sometimes we men feel like we’re dating two different people and most of the time we feel like we can’t ever make you happy and that we’re doing it wrong. When a man feels like he can’t make his partner happy or worse, when he feels like he’s always wrong… he disconnects from the relationship. Let’s face it, no one wants to feel like they are wrong all the time, or walking around on eggshells or worse, confused on a daily basis. Most women don’t stick around for a man who offers this in return for her companionship, so why should a man?
The Secret To A Happy, Healthy, Mid-Life Relationship
Recently I spoke to a man who is happy and in love. When I asked him the secret to his relationship success, he said, “My girlfriend expresses exactly what brings her joy, and she doesn’t always expect it, but I happily do it.” He stated that not only does he receive love and appreciation in return, but he literally enjoys putting a smile on her face.
Joy unlike expectation comes from a place where desire meets feelings, and it naturally creates happiness. Joy is a place that emits unconditional love, openness and appreciation. Joy inspires a man to partake in your world. Ladies, it’s really that simple and while I believe most of you think you express your feelings, you really don’t.
I would ask you to dig a little deeper. Needs comes from a place of expectation (that tricky word again) and desire comes from a place of what truly brings you happiness (or joy). Knowing what makes you happy generates all kinds of good vibes, including a space where you can appreciate the big and small things your man does for you.
Simply share the desires that bring you joy without any attachment to the outcome and I’ll bet you anything your man will happily comply. Last but not least, don’t forget to reward him when he does comply, but that’s for another blog. I’ve said a lot here, and wouldn’t be surprised if you disagree. Share your thoughts in the comments below. Let’s truly hear what you think about the “happy wife, happy life” saying as it goes.
And if you really want to find out what men are thinking when it comes to dating and relationships–especially in mid-life–then I invite you to download my audio course, Unlocking the Male Mind. Inside you’ll discover what men really want in a life partner, and how to better understand him at each stage of your relationship, from first date to long-term commitment. Click here to learn more.[/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]
Umoh luna says
Love this, Jonathan. I think this is one of the best things you’ve ever written and you make some really powerful points here. I feel like lately your work has really deepened and you are offering some game changing insights if people are open to them.