Have you ever heard of destination addiction? It’s a repetitive habit of constantly wondering about what’s next and around the corner instead of learning to take each moment as it comes.
Consider this scenario…You’re in an exclusive committed relationship and are spending regular time with your guy. He’s attentive, communicative, employed, kind and generous… plus he’s romantic.
Everything is great except for just one thing… you don’t know where this relationship is going. This isn’t necessarily about your biological clock ticking (if you have grown children.) You may not even sure if you want to get married again. However, this constant wondering is eating you up and it is affecting the balance of the relationship.
Destination overload often can be the downfall to a budding relationship because the focus is on the future and not the present. If you want to know where the relationship is going, then you should take some time to define it for yourself. Remember that men are not mind readers and typically need things stuctured for them to understand what you want. (And by the way, these feelings can also affect men as well as women. My same point applies here – seek clarity and open communication with your lady.)
Women like to know what a man’s goals and intentions are because they may not want to run the risk of bonding with him only to find out that he just wants to be friends with benefits. They want to know if he’s open to marriage (or at least a serious monogamous relationship.)
Many men will state that they have no particular goal and just want to take things one day at a time. They may be shy about commitment. However, it’s important to remember that most men like to nest and be in a committed relationship. When a man meets a woman that he thinks is extraordinary, trust me..he will have no problem with commitment.
While people typically have fundamental values on marriage, partnership and families, we should also remember that many of us do not have ourselves completely figured out. People are changing, learning and growing every day.
This is where dating with intention can be helpful – and the intention can be different with different people. Some men may have a short term intention to enjoy the moment with someone who they may not necessarily have a future with…but they may have a long term intention to partner with someone who enhances their journey.
For them, dating is more fun when they simply enjoy the moment and watch and see how things develop, one step at a time. Everything you want to know will come out over the course of conversation and observing the actions he takes.
Naturally, this can be frustrating for women. But they should always remember not to give away their power in the hopes of finding someone to nest with too early in a prospective friendship. While you probably already have existing beliefs about relationships and monogamy (and are right to want to try to understand some of the “big picture”) don’t press for a commitment too soon.
Pursue your own life and happiness and you will create the appetite. A little bit of mystery is good for a budding relationship. Don’t reveal all of your emotional secrets at once. Let a guy discover you, a little bit at a time. Women who don’t give away their power have a way of finding themselves in great relationships.
Know what the big picture looks like for you – but remember to take it one day at a time.
He says one thing but does another. Does trying to understand the male mind make you a bit crazy? Believe it or not men really do want to be in healthy relationships. In Unlocking the Male Mind I’ll share my own insights about men and what they’re really thinking!
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