Become the Woman Men Crave
The minute you let go of what happened before and the expectation of what is to come, the possibilities in the moment are endless.
If you can remember and live the simple sentence above, dating will almost magically become everything you ever dreamed of… and more. Men will not only flock to you, but they will crave you because you are different from any other woman they’ve ever known.
And it will happen practically overnight.
I’m not kidding. It’s happened to all my clients who embrace dating without expectations. And it’s never happened to those who don’t.
There’s a phrase I’ve coined in dating and romance called “passionately detached” that I’m very fond of. PD simply means be open to the adventure about to come, and be detached to any particular outcome.
Imagine for the moment all the endless possibilities of what may come when meeting someone new… they could become a friend, an enemy, a colleague, a lover, a referral, a partner or somebody that you used to know. The two of you can go in many different directions together, and the trick is to let the experience unfold naturally and not expect a certain outcome.
Those who have found happy relationships have a secret. They were open to the adventure right from the get go. No judgment or disappointment if it didn’t work out… just “let’s take this ride and see where it goes.” No fretting over ‘where this relationship is going’ because in the end, the journey is what matters most… and if it’s meant to be, you can’t force it and it will happen anyway. They enjoyed the destination and were detached from any outcome.
Let me tell you about one of my clients. Cheryl is in her mid-forties, divorced, and is in her words “average looking.” When she started dating, she found she was anxious and unsure of herself. She second-guessed herself at every turn, and while she was dating good guys, she gave off a nervous and needy vibe that made them run.
Once I explained dating passionately detached to her, she became more confident in herself and embraced living in the moment. She knew that if a dating situation didn’t work, plenty of other men would be thrilled to be with her. Almost immediately, the second-guessing and the fear that nobody else would want her disappeared. She blossomed and went back to her natural personality, happy and carefree. Her inner radiance came out, and men noticed.
She relaxed and became more attractive to men because she appreciated and respected them just as they were, and she no longer had that “gotta control things” attitude she had projected before. In less than three months, she found a serious boyfriend who loves that she accepts him as he is and walks with him in the moment, without pushing an agenda. He craves her company and misses her when she’s not there.
Passionately detached works.
Now here’s the thing, this happy couple was also able to let go of the hurt and disappointment from past relationships. When you carry pain and frustration from the past relationships, it’s like extra baggage when trying to board a plane… there’s no room. Or worse, all the people who have hurt you are standing right behind you while on a date. Nobody wants to stare at all those who didn’t work out for you.
The secret to being passionate when dating is being open to all the possibilities and the adventure. Imagine when you can view another human being much like a child seeing something new for the first time, with amazement and wonder. Your adult within will protect you from danger, but your inner child views the world of dating as a playground. Therefore, who cares if you’re not attracted to him or he doesn’t play well with others. There are so many more kids to play with, and you’re bound to meet one who’s just right for you.
In fact, whether you’re a man or a woman, being passionately detached actually makes you highly desirable to the point of being craved. There’s something really sexy about a person who lives life with passion and takes the ride no matter where it goes. There is a freshness, a happiness, and a glow about a man or woman who lives in the moment and lets life unfold on its terms, not his or hers.
All it takes to date passionately detached is to let go and let it happen. You’ll be shocked at how relaxed and satisfied you’ll be when you can release expectations. So before you go out on your next date, remember being passionately detached and see if you have a much better time.
I just wanted to say thank you for this article. It was a real eye opener for me. I’ve been having issues with a guy I met through internet. In the beginning we just wanted to be friends with eachother. After a while he wanted something more, we slept together, spent two whole wonderful weeks of being affectionate to eachother (even in front of his friends) and told me he loves me. I was set on us having a great fling but along the line I got pulled along. I fell hard and deep, and I also started to want something more. But when we had the relationship talk he wasn’t ready to be in a relationship. Said he can only be friends. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t ask for exclusivity and even suggested open relationships. I just wanted to know what we were. But he said if he was going to be in a relationship, it has to be a serious one. At the same time, he doesn’t want to be in a friendzone. I was heartbroken of course since I can’t be friends with a lover and for me being friends is being in the friendzone, but said that’s fine. Realizing it made me sad he changed his mind. We’re together now since a few days back, but it feels like that was because I convinced him and I’m constantly afraid he will change his mind again. Your article reminded me of why we started to fall for eachother and made life a playground again. I realize now I have to be detached and be happy instead of agonizing about this relationship. We love eachother but he needs to be ready too. I realized that I don’t want anything less than that.
Thank you for all of your wonderfull advice to put out there it has helped me not only in dating but to better myself. I really enjoy dating and meeting new people.
I want to be passionately detached, but it’s so difficult for me to let go of the control! After a while I just got so sick of being hurt by all of the losers that I was dating that I said I’m only going to date on my terms and in my ways. And now I’m even worse off than I was before. Enough of that, from now on I’m PD all the way 😉
This is excellent. I’m not sure how to remain open and vulnerable while being PD. I care very much for someone, while realizing fully we may not be at the same readiness for relationship. I have remained available to dating and meeting others, but I do not view dating as a means to cultivate “friends”. I make lifelong friends (men and women) easily and do not kiss or hold hand a with my “friends”. There has to be a logical and natural development in a relationship…to a deeper level. I see that as I lean back and relax, he always moves toward me, but the. I read something that says…don’t make any conclusions, etc. he talks very future and despite a long physical distance, I have seen God move in mighty ways with this relationship. So I am hopeful that it is moving forward and our communication will be honest and meaningful for both our needs. It is still scary and exhilarating at the same time. Out of all the online dating resources, I have enjoyed your blogs the best.
Lisa Reed says
It’s funny I run into this just now. Just last night I was having a little friendly talk very similar to this one with my partner. And it doesn’t apply only to guys and girls, it applies to every aspect of life.
I don’t remember my exact words, but it was something like “I won’t ever regret living this thing I’m living with you. If we’re ever to part ways, I will remember this as a beautiful and scary pool dive.” The point is to do things for the sake of doing them and deal with outcomes as they come.
We have been going out for only 7 months, but it’s been very honest and beautiful. Of course I have great expectations, but if they don’t materialize, we’re not to blame, because we’ve given everything to and for the other person, and things we’ve lived will forever be beautiful. There will never spite or regret if you do things at your maximum potential. Right here and now, and not calculating outcomes in your head as you go by.