How Long Do I Wait to Hear from a Man?

A reader asked:

When we have a date from an online site and it’s good, and he asked that night if I wanted to see him again and I said yes, then how long do I wait to hear from him? Do I send a “thank you for a nice evening” text?

This man has a back strain and went to the chiropractor, so maybe that is why I haven’t heard from him, but how do I know? In the meantime, I am trying to continue online dating, but I wonder how to handle this?


Good question. It’s perfectly appropriate (and a great idea) to send a thank-you text either later that day or first thing the next morning. Say only this: “I had a great time getting to know you, thank you for a wonderful time.” Or something similar, but THAT’S IT.

Do not say anything remotely resembling, “I would like to see you again.” No matter how great the date was or how much chemistry you felt. When you do that, you’re reaching out, which is taking the masculine role. That’s his job, so let him do it. You’ve let him know you had a good time with him, so it’s his turn to pick up the ball and run with it.  Or not.

Don’t make excuses for him, like he has a back problem. Women often create elaborate excuses to initiating contact. This usually comes from a needy place and men are rarely attracted to needy.  Just know that a man who enjoyed your company and want to see you again will make the effort to reach out. Relationship ready men are eager to plan dates when they see potential.

So sit back, relax and allow him to do his job… pursuing you. If he doesn’t, don’t worry, there’s an abundance of great men who want to date you.